Every day we stray further from God’s light. Case in point: it appears that, on this cursed Earth, there are more than zero dogs named Bitcoin.
Yes, for some reason, real humans have looked into a dog’s beautiful, loving eyes and thought, “This dog should be named Bitcoin.” We don’t know why and we certainly can’t stop it — all we can do is let you know and hope that this idea doesn’t become a trend.
Here’s one dog named Bitcoin, a Maltese puppy who has a very pleasant Instagram presence. Luckily, Bitcoin seems to be interested in cryptocurrency (judging by her captions, anyway), so perhaps the name is a good fit.
Here she is with a toy shaped like a dollar sign.
On Twitter, there are even more reports of dogs named Bitcoin. One user alleges that her grandfather named his new dog Bitcoin, a choice that is confusing but not necessarily surprising considering the current state of the world (shambles).
Will the name spike in popularity as the cryptocurrency era rages on?
My grandad has named the new dog Bitcoin. FUCKING BITCOIN. Are you having a laugh
— Tash (@NatashaTree1) January 4, 2018
Another person reported last year that his cousin named a dog “Biggie Bitcoin.” I am not sure this counts, as the dog is probably referred to as “Biggie,” but it seemed too wild to omit.
my cousin got a dog and named her “Biggie Bitcoin”
— DADDADNOTGOOD (@MNateShyamalan) December 26, 2017
If you’re in NYC, though, feel free to retain your moral superiority a little longer — at least as it relates to dog names. According to the NYC dog name map — one of the best things to ever be online — there are 0 dogs named Bitcoin currently registered in New York City. Same goes for these other crypto-related terms: Ethereum, Crypto, Litecoin, Dogecoin, and Blockchain. There are a few dogs named Krypto, but we assume this is a Superman reference.
This doesn’t mean there aren’t Bitcoins out there we just aren’t aware of yet. For example, the Bay Area, home of Silicon Valley, does not have a publicly available dog name database. But for all we know, a little Bitcoin is being mined — I mean, adopted — from a shelter right now.
Seems pretty likely.