When you know you have a stalker in your life there are procedures you need to put in place. Number one is keeping you safe. The following are guidelines for putting as much distance between you and the stalker as possible.
1. If your stalker is an ex boyfriend or girlfriend then you will probably know who they are. Obviously they are not taking the break up of your relationship as well as you would have liked. You have told them it is definitely over and you are not interested in reconciliation so you cannot understand why they are still sending you flowers and texting you constantly. Tell your friends and family what is happening and see if they cannot get him to see reality. The only reason I say this is because sometimes friends and members of your family may not understand why you broke up with your ex. They could have become friends with them (stalkers are charmers) and are at present not able to see any validity in what you are telling them. In their eyes he may appear to be a person who loves you and is trying to win you back. Unfortunately it will not be until the threats begin and these may be aimed at your family and friends also. Will they believe you and realize a consummate stalker has fooled them.
2. Cut all ties with this person and change your phone numbers and email address unless you can handle recording their messages so they can be used as evidence. In the past it was thought you should get new phone numbers but if you can cope with the constant calls the police may be able to take action before the stalking advances. Do not get sympathetic or fall for their threats to hurt themselves if you do not see them, as this will only encourage them. My stalker used to threaten to jump off a bridge if I did not see him. I believed his convincing story and the result was hours on the phone listening to him talk. They will do anything to get your attention. What happened was I became completely exhausted and he thought I was a soft touch and stepped up his vicious game even more. I had no knowledge or information to show me what to do so I made a lot of mistakes in the early days of my stalking.
3. If they are still hanging around your life you need to ensure your home is a safe haven, Change all the locks especially if your ex has keys to your home and I suggest you get locks on your windows as well. If you have an alarm system make sure it is working well. In my stalking they managed to get in even with the alarms switched on and I had the Alarm Company to my house 3 times before they were able to figure out how the stalker was managing to disarm the system. Stalkers see everything as a challenge and nothing makes them feel more powerful than being able to get into your home. Do not panic because it is usually when you are not there. Another way to deter them as they often move by night so they cannot be seen is to light up your property. Though expensive it will give you peace of mind.
4. Have a friend or member of your family stay with you. This will not please the stalker, as he wants you alone in the house so he can continue to make you feel vulnerable. These temporary houseguests can act as witnesses if the stalker comes to visit. There is safety in numbers.
5. If you like animals now may be the time to get a dog. I had two poodles and they always let me know when somebody was outside the house. It made me feel a lot safer knowing they were with me. They are also great company when you are going through something as horrible as this as they seem to understand how you are feeling.
6. If it is an ex partner stalking you the police may not be able to do much in the early stages. Keep giving them updates and any evidence you may have. Stalkers do tend to leave a trail of phone calls, text messages, emails and letters so do not in a fit of rage as I did burn some of them. Keep them in a safe place where they cannot be found (with your lawyer if you have engaged the services of one) because stalkers can become paranoid they may enter your home to remove any incriminating evidence. Keep phone numbers of agencies such as domestic violence shelters that you can go to if the stalker threatens violence. Each country will have its own versions and you can usually find them online or in your community. Have an escape route planned if things get nasty.
7. Until ant-stalking laws were introduced in many states of America police had very little power to arrest these guys. Sadly the police could do nothing until a victim had been assaulted. Not until a high profile celebrity was murdered after being stalked for 2 years did the U.S Federal government take action. Up until this point restraining orders were issued and many stalkers chose to ignore them leaving their victim feeling helpless. This is why so many victims do not continue with any further legal action because of the stalker’s attitude to it. They fear there will be a reprisal if they contact the police again. Being stalked can be frightening but if you do nothing to help yourself the stalker will think they have won and things will only get worse. They have no compassion or empathy for their victim’s plight so you have to help the police do their job. You may not be the stalkers first victim so please work with the police who will want this guy behind bars as much as you do.
The anti-stalking laws in place across many parts of America give police the power to charge perpetrators who repeatedly
a. Follow another person or are continually seen where they are.
b. Contact a person by telephone or text messaging.
c. Are seen at a victim’s home address or place of work.
d. Enter a person’s home and property.
e. Send mail to their post box and emails to their computer
f. Confront an individual in a public or private place.
The more you can do such as collecting evidence and keeping a diary of the stalker’s movements the quicker the police may be able to charge them. Hard as this may sound you have to realize that a stalker is relentless and often will not stop until they arrested. I urge you to dig deep and find the strength to fight back.
8. Get as much support as you can and always have someone with you when you go out at night. There are many organizations set up with people who have been stalked and they are there to let you talk and advise you how to protect yourself. These people know how lonely and terrifying the road can be so they give their time to help others. This kind of support is priceless, as these people are as relentless as a stalker in their bid to eradicate these monsters from victim’s lives. You will find these people online and at your local community center in most countries. Once you talk to them you will know you have solid support. This will not please the stalker, as his game plan is to isolate you totally.
9. if you are finding it hard to cope i suggest you see a counselor. Even if it is just to talk about how you are feeling it will be a great help. I frequently visited a counselor during my stalking and just having someone to share my feelings with got me through. I am very thankful to the counselor I had for listening.
10. Your greatest weapon against these people is yourself. Stalkers play on your mind and work with methods to instill fear in you. I live in a country where there are still no stalking laws so over the last 15 years of my life I have learned a thing or two. At first I was very afraid and I did get hurt physically until I learned all the ways I could push them back. I went to the police and I have to say they did their best. You have to understand the brain of a stalker is wired differently and their obsessive nature makes them capable of anything. If you have a typical romantic stalker they will believe you are their soul mate and that in time you will realize the both of you are destined to be together. You cannot negotiate with them so the best thing you can do is move on with your life. Do not let them stop you doing what makes you happy. It is amazing how victims can find strength powerful enough to stop these stalkers in their tracks. As these ant-social characters feed on fear the stronger you become the more likely they will leave or be forced too.