A student’s first Homecoming dance is an important milestone, marking the start of one’s high school career. However, one father took to Reddit’s “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” forum to explain why he refused his 14-year-old freshman daughter the opportunity to go.
“She came home one day after being at her mother’s for a week (we split custody) and wrote ‘homecoming’ on our calendar and starts talking about all the plans she’s made with her best friend to go to homecoming together,” he wrote.
“Homecoming week happened to fall on a week she was with me. She starts raving to my wife and I about the dress her mom took her to buy and that she’s matching with her friend. She had even bought a ticket already.”
He went on to say that, because she made plans without asking, he was “furious with her entitlement.” The man theorized his daughter and the girl’s mother might’ve conspired to purchase the dress and ticket to force him into letting her go.
“I want to teach her a lesson about asking first and not assuming that I’m just going to let her do whatever she wants and that she can’t manipulate people in order to get her way,” he said. “So I told her that if she’d asked first, I’d have been happy to let her go to her homecoming dance. But since she decided to make plans and buy stuff before even asking if she could go, I wasn’t going to let her.”
The girl was upset but when the man attempted to comfort her, his new wife said it would “be teaching her that I’ll give her my attention if she acts upset and cries.”
He tried anyway and his daughter rejected him.Things continued to spiral when the man’s ex-wife asked him to pay back money spent on the dress and ticket, but he said no. At some point, he said an attorney got involved which led to a family session to discuss communication.
According to Billboard, homecoming is an American tradition that began as a kickoff to the football season. The event allowed for alumni to return to their home schools and it’s been a tradition since the early 1900s. That said, plenty of people had an opinion on whether the father was right or wrong to keep his daughter from the dance.
“YTA, I stopped at ‘teach her a lesson’ It’s a school dance,” Beginning-Ad-4255 wrote in the most-upvoted comment with almost 52,000. “She’s not having privileges restricted for poor behavior, so this is just about your ego and need for control which is a stupid thing to subject a child to. You’re really claiming your child and her mother are scheming to strong-arm you into a school event that most parents are excited to snap photos of their kids all dressed up for a first formal high school dance?”
Others echoed the sentiment, adding that many of their childhood experiences mirrored this man’s.
“Let’s bet that OP is going to come back here in a couple of years wondering why his daughter cut him off,” @mr_trick said. “Poor girl, her father would rather crush her dreams than work on his problems with his ex and leave her out of it. Good thing she’s going to be an adult soon. OP, you are a gigantic a**hole.”
“Pay attention to how he talks—it’s all about him. His rules, his permission, his house—it’s not about his daughter at all,” @msnovtue wrote. “It’s all about the injury to his precious ego. The fact the issue centers on his daughter is almost irrelevant.”
“No kidding. He could’ve turned this into a really special bonding moment, maturely communicated that she needed to still check with him when she makes plans because he’s her parent, and then moved on.
This whole thing is dripping with control issues and wtf is up with the narrative that you can’t check in with your kid when you upset them?” @MCBates1283 said. “And, they better be polite and warm to you or you’ll just get madder? Lord what a child.”
In the end, Redditors deemed the man the “A**hole.”