Although there are various things that can kill a marriage or even the love between spouses, however these are few of the things one must avoid if they want to keep their marriage intact and love growing with each passing year.
Marriage as we all know is a union of not just bodies but a union of heart and soul but this union requires little bit of understanding and lots and lots of patience, and some tolerance levels.
Yes, it’s easier said than done but if these points are kept in mind then a marriage can be saved and spouses can enjoy greater intimacy in their alliance. As I said earlier there are various things that can kill a marriage there are certain things that are a sure short murderers of marriage and they are as follows:
1. Sarcasm: It is one of the most effective weapons known to human beings to end any relationship especially as delicate as marriage. Sarcasm makes the other half lose his or her confidence. And once the other person loses confidence in oneself the marriage is doomed to failure. Sarcasm also fosters bitterness in the victim, which can come out in form of withdrawal, chronic depression which will further widen the gap between the spouses thus putting an end to the marriage.
2. Contempt: Nobody is perfect and everybody has something in them which is unique to them. However if you treat your spouse with contempt, look down upon them and show them that you don’t relish their presence in your life then a marriage can not survive. No matter what is troubling you or whosoever is troubling you don’t let your contempt for that person come in between you and your spouse. Your husband or wife will not understand that the contempt they see in your eyes is not directed towards them. Everybody wants to be loved and liked there may be something in you which can be irritating to your wife or husband but that does not mean that you look at them with sheer hatred in your eyes. Or mock them at every instance.
3. Stonewalling: Stonewalling as defined by marriage counsellors as when a spouse is stonewalling in communication they are
a) Usually using a delaying or stalling tactics. For example they will try to delay arguments, or even try to delay whatever they have been asked to do.
b) Refusing to answer questions; for example if one of the spouse is trying to ask something and the other refuses to even acknowledge the presence of other person then the spouse who refuses to answer is creating a wall around himself or herself which no one can cross.
c) If a spouse is stonewalling then they will do anything and everything in their power to hinder or obstruct a discussion sometimes they can be downright rude also in doing so.
4. An unwillingness to meet a spouse’s request: OK agreed that sometimes women make unnecessary demands on their husbands which they are not able to fulfill genuinely however when there is a lack of interest in fulfilling one’s spouse request then one should be on their guard.
If the person wants to end his or her marriage they will show unwillingness in their spouse. This unwillingness can be shown in various ways like, avoiding going out with the spouse, not helping them with household work or even not fulfilling their valid requests.
5. Dishonesty: Honesty and trust are the basis of any relationship and when it comes to marriage they are building blocks hence if either of them is missing then the foundation is shaky. With shaky foundation no building can survive for long so what is marriage. Hence if you don’t want to end your marriage make sure that you are honest with each other. Nothing will hurt your partner or your marriage more than the knowledge that you have been dishonest with them.
6. Cheating: Cheating is another form of dishonesty a much grave form though. Although cheating may not kill the marriage for some people however it creates distances between spouses which become unbearable living under the same roof. Cheating does not necessarily means sleeping with someone else. Cheating can be financial one also wherein one partner does not tell where he or she is spending the money.
7. Lack of intimacy: Lack of intimacy both sexual and emotional is again a marriage killer. Men thrive on touch and women thrive on emotions hence a balance is needed to keep the train of marriage run smoothly. Lack of intimacy can be due to any reason however the most common ones are change in job, change in person, serious illness, and birth of a child.
8. Nagging: Nobody appreciates a nagging spouse and I am sure if a nagger meets someone who starts nagging them then they will realise how it feels when someone is constantly nagged. Nagging can also and does creates distances between the spouses. Men by nature are independent creatures who have been pampered by their mothers hence it will take sometime for them to get out of that mould and to listen to you.
9. Belittling each other in front of friends and family: Respect for each other is another important aspect of marriage and when one spouse starts belittling other in front of family and friends then the other half loses that respect and starts hating his or her wife and husband. When the person whom you trust the most starts making fun of you in front of his family or friends then they also get the chance to do the same this again creates bitterness in other person. Avoid making fun of each other if you don’t want to kill your marriage.
10. Alcoholism or any other destructive habits: Occasional drinking is fine as long as it does not create an abusive atmosphere at home like obsessive drinking where the person does not remember his or her behaviour next morning. Other destructive habits could be gambling, spending too much time away from home, and shirking any type of responsibility.
11. Compulsive lying: Lies can break any relationship and compulsive lies defies one of the building blocks of the relationship. Compulsive liar can never speak truth and hence will always end up hurting his or her partner. Mend your ways if you want to save your marriage.