Internet Backs Dad in ‘Creepy’ Argument With Wife Over Daughter’s Name

A dad received online support on Sunday after sharing in a now-viral post that his wife wants to change their 1-year-old daughter’s name.

Posting in Reddit’s “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) forum under the username u/Ok-Toe-5157, the dad asked: “AITA for sticking to my guns when it came to our Daughter’s name?” The post has garnered more than 9,600 upvotes and over 1,300 comments from Redditors who backed the dad against his wife’s “disturbing” behavior.

“When my wife and I were trying to get pregnant, we had a deal that if we [had] a boy, she would get to choose the full name and if we had a daughter I would,” the father wrote at the beginning of his post. “I was fine with this deal but we both had a veto in case we didn’t like the name the other had chosen.”

Throughout her pregnancy, the man’s wife was certain they were having a boy, so much so that she demanded “masculine” gifts for the baby shower. When she went into labor, however, the couple discovered they were actually having a girl.

Parents arguing over newborn
A dad received online support on Sunday after sharing that his wife wants to change their 1-year-old daughter’s name. “Your wife is in cahoots with your mother-in-law over the name and they didn’t bother to tell you anything is a big betrayal,” one commenter said.
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“I was ecstatic because, although I wanted both a boy and a girl, I always imagined my firstborn to be a girl,” the man wrote. “My wife, though seemingly exhausted, was happy too. When I wrote the name [on] the birth certificate, I let her know I was using the name I had already run past her.”

Though the couple purportedly agreed on their daughter’s name when she was born, the man recently discovered that his wife has been calling their daughter by a different name.

“Now, a year later, I come home from work and I find my MIL [mother-in-law] and wife there talking about my daughter, only they are using another name,” he said. “When I asked why they were using another name, my MIL said because that’s what we decided to name her.”

His wife then suggested they legally change their daughter’s name to a “feminine version” of the boy’s name she’d chosen, but the man said “no.” In response, his wife accused him of being “unsupportive” and “controlling” and said he “stole her right to name the child she gave birth to.”

“Her entire family except my FIL [father-in-law] is calling me controlling and how it’s unfair I chose the entire name and made it all about myself,” he said. “Honestly, this is so out of left field and creepy that I’m considering divorce.”

According to TODAY, a 2012 U.K. survey revealed that “picking a baby name is the most common fight among expectant parents.”

“Choosing a name can tap into deep, previously-unexplored issues about family, tradition, gender, image, one’s very identity. It may be the first important test of control and compromise. And the problems around choosing a name can feel all the more disturbing because you think it’s supposed to be so easy and fun,” said Pamela Redmond Satran of Nameberry.com via TODAY.

To alleviate tension, Nameberry advised couples to set up a “baby-naming rotation,” or “divvy the names up by gender.”

Of course, u/Ok-Toe-5157 and his wife did divvy the names up by gender. With this in mind, many commenters backed u/Ok-Toe-5157’s refusal to change his daughter’s name.

“NTA [not the a**hole]. It is creepy. Your wife is in cahoots with your mother-in-law over the name and they didn’t bother to tell you anything is a big betrayal,” wrote u/ladygreyowl13. “Your wife is 100% wrong for going behind your back, and your mother-in-law is way out of line.”

“How is it controlling and unfair to insist that your daughter’s name is her name? You not only had an agreement that she’d choose a boy’s name, and you a girl’s, but that you both had veto power…The only person being controlling here is the one trying to insist that twelve months later she gets to change your daughter’s name, to basically the boy’s name she’d chosen. That’s weird and mildly disturbing,” said u/shontsu.

Redditor u/Fine_Following_2559 added: “NTA, you guys had a deal, and it sounds like she didn’t veto the name when you ran it past her before. So she shouldn’t be running around confusing the child now about what her name is. But your wife and her mama are both AHs [a**holes].”

Newsweek reached out to u/Ok-Toe-5157 for comment.

Redditor u/Ok-Toe-5157 wouldn’t be the first parent to go viral online. On Monday, a dad went viral on TikTok after sharing a parenting hack for napping with a baby.

Another father turned heads online last week after sharing that he buys dollar store shampoo and conditioner for his daughter who he doubts is his, as did a mother who said she refuses to bring her ex’s child on a family trip to Disney.

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