A man grabbed the internet’s attention when he admitted in a now-viral post that he doesn’t want his fiancée’s sister in his wedding party.
Posting to Reddit’s “Am I The A**hole” forum on Monday under the username u/aita_weddingtroubles, the man explained that his fiancée’s sister lived with the couple at one point while she was attending college. During this time, however, she “harassed” him.
“She would say things like ‘you would look good in that’ or ‘I wish I could find someone like you,'” the man wrote in the post that has received more than 6,000 votes.
“During the few months, it divulged [sic] into her ‘accidentally’ walking in on me in the shower, spilling things on me so that I have to change clothes, saying that she should be in my fiancée’s shoes, and constantly making comments about my body,” he continued.
Feeling “uncomfortable,” he brought the comments to his fiancée’s attention, but she dismissed her sister’s remarks as nothing more than a “joke.”
So when the man’s fiancée announced that she wanted her sister to serve as her maid of honor, he pushed back.
“I told her everything I’ve brought up before, and said that her sister might try to ruin the wedding because of this huge crush [if that’s even the right word] that she has on me,” he recounted.
“I also said that maybe I’d be okay with her being involved in the wedding in some other way, but I don’t feel comfortable with her being that involved and so close to both of us,” he continued.
Despite his feelings on the matter, his fiancée stood her ground. In response, the man asked her: “What if you were uncomfortable around my brother [best man]? Wouldn’t you want him to be out of the wedding party?”
She said “yes,” and added that she doesn’t like his brother. The man was quick to point out the double standard, and told Reddit: “My brother could get kicked out of the wedding party for just my fiancée not liking him, while her sister can’t get kicked out of it for her practically sexually harassing me.”
According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC), 43 percent of men and 81 percent of women nationwide have experienced “some form of sexual harassment and/or assault in their lifetime.”
In a conversation with HuffPost in 2019, NSVRC’s Laura Palumbo reminded partners to be supportive of one another when discussing sexual harassment, and to not “downplay” their experiences.
“You may think you’re trying to help by saying, ‘I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that,’ but instead, it just makes them question their perceptions or feel silly for sharing. It’s better to say supportive things like, ‘I believe you’ or ‘You did nothing wrong and I am here for you,'” she said.
Many Redditors felt that u/aita_weddingtroubles was justified in not wanting his fiancée’s sister in his wedding party. Some even argued that he shouldn’t marry someone who thinks sexual harassment is “no big deal.”
“NTA [not the a**hole], and I would stick to this OP [original poster]. Your fiance is choosing someone who sexually harassed you, over you, on your own wedding day! It’s not ‘practically,’ she did. Her behavior was repeated, predatory and quite frankly disgusting,” said u/sugarxb0nes.
“I would like you to really think about this, why do you want to marry someone who thinks her sister sexually harassing you is no big deal,” offered u/Automaticaving.
Redditor u/Alarmed-Hamster-4047 added: “This is a red flag that your feelings don’t matter to her as much as her own feelings. You have COMPLETELY valid reasons for not wanting the sister in the wedding party, and your fiance dismissing them out of hand is TERRIBLE. You might want to rethink this whole marriage, if your feelings are going to be dismissed and your boundaries stomped all the time.”
Newsweek reached out to u/aita_weddingtroubles for comment.