Commenters were quick to show support for one husband who lamented over his wife’s lack of punctuality in a popular internet forum.
In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA**hole, Redditor u/Striking_Still_3721 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said his wife makes the couple “late to everything,” and explained the recent events that caused him to leave her behind in the middle of a shopping mall.
Titled, “AITA for ditching my wife at the mall because she was taking too long?,” the viral post has received nearly 8,500 votes and 1,900 comments in the last 10 hours.
Writing that he and his wife have been married for the last five years, the original poster explained how her chronic lateness has affected his life, and even caused the couple to lose friends.
“Getting dressed, doing her makeup, eating, whatever it is, she takes forever,” he wrote. “I’m generally a patient person, but I get extremely anxious when I’m late for something with a scheduled starting time.”
“The most frustrating thing about this is that she seemingly has no ability to comprehend that she’s making people wait. If I even suggest that she move a little faster, she gets really defensive,” he continued. “A few years ago, one of her best friends dumped her because she was tired of her chronic lateness.”
Recently, u/Striking_Still_3721 said the pair was at the mall to see a movie, and decided to do some jeans shopping beforehand. However, after telling his wife that the movie would be starting soon, he said he was told to “hang on,” prompting him to head to the theater by himself.
“The previews had already started,” he wrote. “I told her again, and she said we can just skip the previews.”
“At this point, I just walked away…turned off my phone, and enjoyed the movie myself,” he continued. “On my way out of the theater I saw her on a bench in the lobby beside herself because I ditched her.”
Although cases in which one partner purposefully disrespects the other’s time, schedule and anxieties can require counseling (or, in severe cases, separation), chronic lateness can sometimes result from general ignorance.
“The major aspect of lateness that insults those who are forced to wait is that it is seen as an expression of disregard and disrespect,” Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D. wrote in Psychology Today.
“However, this is not the only way to interpret unpunctuality,” Ben-Zeév continued. “People can be unpunctual not because they disrespect a partner or fail to pay attention to his or her needs; it can simply be due to absent-mindedness or an inability to estimate time correctly.”
These types of issues can be solved with a simple conversation, according to Brides.com.
“If your [significant other] is constantly late, a great first step is to let them know how their actions affect you…By letting your partner know exactly how you feel, they can understand how important a tidy schedule is to you,” Brides.com maintained. “Whatever your reasons may be, when you openly (and honestly) vocalize how their behavior affects you, your partner might find the incentive to make a positive change going forward.”
Responding to the viral Reddit post, many Redditors said that the original poster attempted to communicate his emotions about his wife’s chronic lateness, but was largely ignored.
“Initially I was sympathetic to your wife, as someone who is also chronically late,” one commenter wrote, receiving more than 5,500 votes in the process.
“However, when you describe that her response to you informing her that the previews are starting was to go try on more jeans I lost all sympathy,” they continued. “That’s not chronic lateness, that’s chronic disrespect for other people’s time.”
Redditor u/CrystalQueen3000, whose response has received more than 2,200 votes, also said that the original poster’s wife’s behavior was openly disrespectful.
“Chronically late people that have no issue ruining other people’s plans because they live in their own [self-centered] world need to realize that (shockingly) the world doesn’t in fact revolve around them,” they commented. “I honestly don’t know how you’ve put up with it for so long. That type of disrespect would drive me bananas.”
“You told her at least twice it was time to leave and go to the movie. Her response was you can miss some of the movie because she’s busy,” another commenter added. “She 100 [percent] knows this is an issue if you constantly bring it up and she’s lost friends over it. She just doesn’t care.”
In the viral post’s top comment, which has received nearly 18,000 votes, Redditor u/overseas-mango offered their advice to the original poster.
“This is what you have to do moving forward,” they began.
“Tell her that you’re leaving in 15 minutes and follow through. One warning, then go,” they continued. “Stop discussing and explaining. Start showing.”