The internet has come to the defense of a wife who said in a now-viral post that she threatened to stop paying her unemployed husband’s therapy bills.
Posting to Reddit’s “Am I The A**hole” forum on Sunday under the username u/Seven_Lands127, the woman claimed that in 2019, her husband “quit his job, sold his car, emptied his savings and … started spending his day doing nothing.”
The post has racked up more than 8,400 up-votes and nearly 1,300 comments.
In her post, u/Seven_Lands127 shared that, at the time, she was unaware that her husband was struggling with anxiety and depression. But once she realized that he was “dealing with a mental health issue,” she arranged for him to see a therapist.
According to Johns Hopkins Medicine, “an estimated 2 percent of Americans ages 18 and older—about 1 in 4 adults—suffers from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year.”
The nonprofit further explained that about “9.5 percent of American adults ages 18 and over will suffer from a depressive illness,” and “about 18 percent of people ages 18-54 … have an anxiety disorder in a given year.”
The Mayo Clinic also stated that many people are diagnosed with both an anxiety disorder and clinical depression, and reminded that “symptoms of both conditions usually improve with psychological counseling (psychotherapy), medications, such as antidepressants, or both.”
For u/Seven_Lands127’s husband, therapy has worked wonders.
“He regained his quality of life, he started going out and became sociable, he bought a new car and did a 180 percent makeover from hair, clothes, and working out, and even adopted 2 dogs,” his wife wrote.
But he never got around to looking for a new job. When his wife approached him about work, he claimed that he “wasn’t ready” for that level of “commitment.”
Of course, this response upset his wife, who paid for his makeover, and continues to pay for his “gadgets” and overall “lavish” lifestyle.
“Last night we had a huge argument after I found out he bought a $200 wristwatch for himself using my credit card,” the wife said.
“I couldn’t handle it and I shouted at him that it was time for him to find a job. He tried to use the ‘I’m still not ready for this kind of commitment yet’ [argument] but I blocked his attempt and told him I’d stop paying for everything including his therapy …”
Now her husband and her in-laws are upset with her, and have accused her of impeding his “progress.”
Redditors, on the other hand, argued that u/Seven_Lands127’s husband is “using her,” adding that she has every right to cut him off.
“Speak to a lawyer and see what your options are. As it stands, you have a child—not a partner. Treat him accordingly,” said u/indiajeweljax.
“NTA [not the a**hole]. He’s using you. I have mental health problems (oh, do I), so I’m not unsympathetic, but no. Put on your own oxygen mask first. Your own mental health does not need to suffer in order to help (pamper? enable?) your husband,” commented u/annrkea.
“NTA he is using you and gaslighting you and you’ve been enabling him. You already know what you have to do you just need to follow through,” wrote u/FondantHelpful.
Redditor u/slothonstiltz added: “I understand depression is not an easy battle—but you are not an ATM. He’s spending money on unnecessary things without contributing, and then he has the nerve to be angry at you for asking him to contribute? That’s not depression, that’s an AH [a**hole].”