The internet has slammed a man for “financially edging” his wife out of a hobby she enjoys because he thinks it’s too “expensive.”
In a viral post published to Reddit’s popular “AmITheA**hole” forum, a woman under the username u/kacrats explained her side of the story to the community. So far, the post has over 7,000 upvotes and 1,000 comments.
To fill in the readers, the Reddit user explained how they have joint bank accounts. Ever since having their third child, the Redditor now works as a PRN employee—meaning she works “as needed.” She doesn’t make a lot of money as she took PRN position to stay home with her children and avoid child care costs. Since starting his successful side eBay business, he opened up a new account that his wife has no access to.
“He uses that money on whatever he wants. I manage our finances, budget and pay all of our bills. I don’t have a separate personal account so all of ‘my’ money is poured into our mutual accounts and he can see all of my spending,” she said.
She also stated that she has no debt other than a mortgage and student loans.
In an interview with finance expert Suze Orman, she explained that she recommends couples have three bank accounts: one for each part, plus a joint account for shared expenses.
The original poster explained how she loves jiu jitsu and likes to compete in many competitions. She admitted that her hobby could be considered an expensive one; costs for a recent tournament rounded up to about $600. But she added that she rarely spends her money on other things.
“I have always cleared with him that I am going to do a certain tournament before I sign up and then I build the fees into the budget, this was no different,” she said, “He texted me while I was at work yesterday saying, ‘Not really happy about your excessive spending recently. I think you should get your own account with an allowance to pay for this stuff.'”
She reassured the AITA community that she doesn’t spend enough to go over her budget. However, her husband bought a new car with his side business money.
“I feel like he is trying to control me and financially edge me out of my hobby that he knows I love,” she wrote.
The Reddit user explained that she could give herself the allowance but since she doesn’t make the amount she once did, it would take her longer to save for tournaments. Since her hobby isn’t new and it hasn’t been a problem, she said that she has to “financially rely” on her husband.
“He can spend money on whatever he wants (like a car) without any oversight or accountability because he has his eBay store that he makes ? money from each month (he never tells me but I’d say it’s prob about $1000/mo),” she wrote.
An argument began between the two of them. He argued that since he doesn’t depend on her money for his hobbies she shouldn’t depend on him financially.
Commenters were quick to share their opinions.
“NTA. I would be high tailing it back to full time work and he can start contributing to daycare for the kids if he suddenly thinks your quality of life should diminish with your income,” u/wildferalfun received the top comment with 21,000 uvotes.
“Your contribution to the household is far more than just the dollars and cents but if he’s trying to make it about the raw numbers, s*** is not going right and you need to protect yourself. Unless his day job is allowing him to conduct his eBay business during his work hours, his side hustle is costing your family so he can’t just claim its his to keep,” they continued.
“NTA. Sounds to me that he is taking steps to leave and you probably should as well. He’s already separated his finances from yours and is further cutting you off from any of his income,” u/errerr exclaimed.
“NTA. But your husband is hiding something,” u/LavenderGooms_ said, “I have no idea what and I’m not going to speculate. But for him to suddenly change his stance and unilaterally decide that you two should have separate finances. There’s always a reason for someone’s behaviour.”
Newsweek has reached out to u/kacrats for comment.