A woman has been branded “gross” for uninviting her transgender sister from her wedding, after her mom and dad cut off her sibling when she came out.
The bride-to-be asked for advice on Reddit’s Am I The A**hole forum, where she revealed both her fiancé and parents weren’t supportive of her sister’s new identity.
Posting under Ill-Yoghurt-482, she revealed her sister came out a year ago, but had been on hormones for a lot longer, which she “hid” from her family.
Explaining why, Ill-Yoghurt-482 wrote: “Probably because our parents are very conservative and known to be transphobic. As a result, there was this huge fight and a ton of people in our family (including our parents) cut her off and don’t talk to her anymore.”
The woman kept in contact with her sister, claiming: “I like to think I’ve been pretty supportive of her so far, using her pronouns and her name and all that (which has been hard, considering our fam gives me s*** for doing so).
“I even make it a point to visit her every so often, while she hasn’t seen most of our other family since last year. I also promised her that, if and when I got married in the future, she’d still be invited, despite any tension with our family.”
But the woman then went back on her word over the wedding invitation, as she revealed her fiancé sided with her parents.
Ill-Yoghurt-482 claimed her mom and dad see her husband-to-be as their “substitute son,” and “adore” him.
“Almost as a result, he’s definitely more on their side of the situation, and he’s made it clear he doesn’t really agree with, or like, my sister all that much,” she admitted.
After the “elaborate” proposal, which she admitted was “orchestrated” by her parents—who are wedding planners—they offered to fund the entire event.
The future bride wrote: “I mentioned wanting to invite my sister, and they shut the idea down immediately, talking about how she disrespected the family and cut them off and all that.
“They basically gave me an ultimatum: have my wedding planned and paid for by them or have my sister there and they don’t come at all.”
Ill-Yoghurt-482 chose to have a lavish wedding, and broke the news to her devastated sister.
She said: “I took my parents’ offer, because I can’t really afford to pay for an entire wedding and because my fiancé pressured me to accept it. I broke the news to my sister, and she’s very understandably upset, but I’m still inviting her to a smaller afterparty over Zoom so we can still be together on the big day. I still feel really guilty about this, though, so, Reddit, AITA?”
The overwhelming response was ‘yes,’ as her post, shared on Tuesday, amassed more than 11,000 upvotes.
After receiving an outpouring of sympathy for her sister, Ill-Yoghurt-482 added some footnotes in a bid to explain her position.
“I don’t think I made it clear enough how overbearing my parents are. Just saying “no” to them wasn’t really an option for me, and if I’d declined their offer, they simply wouldn’t have come to whatever smaller wedding I managed to plan, which would have been even worse,” she wrote.
Despite her explanation, Redditors have questioned why she’s going through with the wedding, as well as her principles.
Automatic-Rock-6763 wrote: “Yta basically saying I support you until it is an inconvenience to me. Do better.”
ChaosNHamHam commented: YTA, your parents are toxic AF and so is your fiancé. I’d ditch the parents and the fiancé.”
YouretheAH thought: YTA you sold your soul to the devil for a free wedding. Gross.”
Daycareroofie asked: “Dude wtf. You’re her last family member. Why are you even marrying this guy? Yta 100%.”
Herefromthere simply said: “YTA. You chose a party over your sister, who has no one.”
Although MoonLover318 pointed out: “What concerns me more than your parents’ attitude is your fiancé’s stance on it. Instead of supporting you, he is supporting your parents? You see the problem here?”
While Bill302 added: “You’re caught in an absolutely dogs*** situation, I’m not going to judge. You and your sister have my absolute sympathy and I’m sorry the extreme opinions can’t find common ground as family.”
While the woman didn’t specify where she’s based, the average cost of a wedding in 2020 was $19,000, according to wedding website The Knot.
However COVID-19 is thought to have had an impact on that figure, with 2019’s average spend $28,000.
“The average wedding cost is typically influenced mostly by the guest count, the venue and the format of events, which have all been upended by the pandemic. Therefore, the average cost of a wedding in 2020 was heavily skewed,” the website noted.
Newsweek reached out to Ill-Yoghurt-482 for comment.