MIKE’S LIFE: Lack of internet causes a minor inconvenience | Feature Columns

I think we can all agree that when my internet went out recently, it was 100% the fault of my neighbor.

I base this on the fact that when I went across the street and asked her if I could borrow some wire cutters, she said, “Sure!” Now, you may think she was just being neighborly. And that may have been her intent. But the correct answer to my question was “No, Mike, you cannot have wire cutters, because you will no doubt cut your internet rather than the cable you thought were cutting.”

It all started when I was doing some yard work in my backyard. We have a series of cables running into our house from long-extinct things – a satellite dish, landlines, and the like. My wife and I have never had a satellite dish, and we have not had a landline in more than 15 years. For whatever reason, I decided to become annoyed by these fairly innocuous cables and go ahead and get rid of them. Hence my question to my neighbor.

With wire cutters in hand, I came back and identified the worthless cables. And I started snipping. Snip. Snip. Snip.

Mission accomplished.

I then walked inside and noticed that a TV in our den that had been playing something that required an internet connection was not, in fact, playing and instead said “No internet connection” on the screen. I may have said a word or two that is not appropriate for a family newspaper.

My wife came downstairs and said, “What happened?” I said, “I cut the internet. I messed up.” And then some more of those words.

Not having internet is a bit of a problem for us. For one thing, my wife works from home. She has to have internet to do her job. But also, the NBA playoffs are currently on, and I really like watching those. I think we can all agree those are pretty equal in importance.

I called the cable company and explained the situation. Thankfully, the rep was able to schedule me something for later in the day, which is a pretty impressive feat for a Sunday.

When the tech arrived, I took him to the backyard and showed him where the line had been cut. I started to explain what had happened, and he waved me off. “It’s OK. I’ve seen this before.” Alas, I am not alone.

In about 15 minutes, he had the whole thing fixed, and the internet was back up and running. Whew.

I returned the wire cutters to my neighbor and informed her this whole thing was entirely her fault. Not surprisingly, she kinda said maaaaaaybe I had a little bit of culpability here? Fair point.

The important thing is that the mistake – regardless of who is really responsible – is fixed. It was a fairly minor inconvenience, and everything is fixed now. I’m glad my wife was able to do her job the next day, as that is pretty important. But I’ve also currently got the NBA playoffs on. So wins all around.


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