Three separate versions of Pinocchio will grace our screens in 2022, but the greatest of the bunch has already been decided. Tom Hanks’ and Guillermo del Toro’s iterations of the classic fable will pale in comparison to the glorious dubbing done by…Pauly Shore (???) for Russia’s Pinocchio: A True Story.
The Lionsgate release went viral for its trailer back in late January, thanks to Shore’s classic drawn-out vowels and sarcastic-sounding voice paired with the usually-chipper young wooden lad. As soon as viewers heard the first “magical” sound of his voice, the low budget film spread like wildfire.
“Father,” Pinocchio groans in the trailer. “When can I leave to be on my ooooown? I have the whole world to see!”
Based on his, let’s say…unexpected vocal stylings, Shore’s take on the character was proclaimed—loving, I’m sure—“fruity Pinocchio.”
You may recall this first look at the film from around two months ago, but now the movie has finally been released. It’s exactly what the trailer teased, too: completely ludacris, embarrassing, and almost impossible to believe that it’s real—and yet entirely entertaining. Folks on Twitter have wasted no time turning Pinocchio: A True Story into an instant cult classic.
The most popular clip is still, by far, the one from the trailer, but plenty of new additions have bolstered Pauly Shore’s Pinocchio’s popularity. In one clip, Pinocchio gossips with his talking horse, Tibbles: “Yes, Tibbles,” he says, with quite a bit of lip. “I have a special, most-treasured dream!” It’s funnier if you listen to it, of course, which you can (and must) do here:
Tibbles (a miraculous name for a horse, might I add) resurfaces in another viral clip. Here, Pinocchio hugs his father Gepetto (“Daddy,” of course) goodbye and saunters to the window to exit. There’s no way to describe the noise he makes as he launches himself through the window: is it “EE, skedee, skedee skedee”? Or is it one of those “sksksk” sounds most notably used in keyboard slamming reactions? Either way, WHAT. IS. HAPPENING.
The list goes on: Pinocchio falls into the depths of hell, an Italian cat yells “Mamma Mia!” before shooting Pinocchio, Pinocchio is questionably seductive. A popular Google search for the film is: “Is the new Pinocchio movie real?” Yes. It is. The clips are from a Russian animated film released just a few days ago, and even though adults have been finding it hilarious on social media, the film was originally made for children.
Pauly Shore’s voice has blessed animated films like A Goofy Movie and The Big Trip, but Pinocchio: A True Story proves that he’s a bonafide master of the art. The English dubbed version of the Russian family flick also includes Jon Heder (aka Napoleon Dynamite) and Tom Kenny (aka Spongebob). Whoever cast this thing deserves several Academy Awards.
Pinocchio: A True Story is now available to rent or purchase on Amazon Prime Video or iTunes. But why shell out the $5.99 when you can watch the whole movie in 15 second clips on Twitter?