So, your wife is angry all the time? You may be wondering “What can save my marriage? Is there a ‘save the marriage book’ that will help me learn how to fix my marriage?”
Maybe your wife expresses her anger, and she uses some physical actions like raising her voice, slamming drawers, etc. Then maybe you think, “I’ll show her. i can be louder. I can show my strength, etc.” Likely you don’t consciously think that, but underneath the surface, that competition may be set up.
Returning anger for anger does not often work. A very wise man once said that “a soft answer turns away wrath.”
Men, you need to understand that controlling yourself is not a sign of weakness. Some think that “meekness” is a sign of “weakness.” It can be, but actually meekness is the opposite of anger. It is strength under control. That is the kind of meekness (not weakness) for which we want to strive.
If you are wondering, “What can save my marriage, or can I learn how to fix my marriage” look at these six highly effective ways to turn things around:
1. Avoid getting angry yourself. You just compound the problem when you express anger for anger. Granted, you probably cannot actually not be angry, but you can control the expression of it in the beginning. As success in suppressing your own anger pays off, likely you will become angry less easily.
2. Take most of the responsibility. Ideally, both of you would take responsibility, but that is not likely happen in the heat of an argument. As you step back and look at the situation, take responsibility for what is happening. You can’t help what she initiated, but you can work on how you respond. Your tendency is to want to fix things, so go for it. Take responsibility.
3. Don’t accept all the blame. When you are taking responsibility, that does not mean that you have to accept all the blame. On the other hand, even when she is to blame, you do not have to point it out. Just don’t beat yourself down.
4. Remove the idea of divorce as an option. The easy way out is to escape. Face the problem. If you remove divorce as an option, you will find a lot of options that others miss.
5. Stop trying to win the arguments. Don’t lie, but when something is just a matter of opinion, rather than fact, agree with your wife. How can things escalate if you do that? One “save the marriage book” recommends that you always agree with your spouse. While that has many advantages, again, you cannot, or should not, lie. However, you can agree and be silent when needed.
6. Look for advice as to how you can turn things around by yourself. Find a “save the marriage” book. Listen to tapes. Watch DVD’s. Don’t be so proud to think that there is nothing that you need to learn.
Maybe you and your wife are angry. Maybe she seems to be angry all the time. You can take steps to turn things around.
Wait, though, these six steps just deal with part of the problem.